Himitsu no Sensou
Change everything you are and everything you were
02 February 2016 @ 01:58 am
[Filter: Private]

After all these years, and the time it chooses is right now... the day before the world ends.

Everything... it does have a sense of humour, doesn't it? Haha.
02 February 2016 @ 04:47 am
[Filter: Franelcrew]


My last talk with Suaimeas is about something I think we've all been avoiding. It's about you humans and your secret war. Suaimeas says that they don't know what started it, which is I think what we really would need to know for this to be very useful, but what we do know might end up important anyway so I'm just going to list it all out, okay?

First, we know that there's more than just Pillars and Messengers. There's also the Mute, who are people that can see everything -- that is, they can see who the Pillars and Messengers are. But they aren't able to talk about it. Aelbhe talked about this with some of you before, but I don't think she said what they actually are. I don't know why they can't talk about it, or how that works. Maybe it's a compulsion too?

Second, all three types of sect only exist on this side. Suaimeas says that one of the biggest things the aesdana had to do was catalogue who the sected people are, because they caused the most differences. People would just ... kill each other on this side, but they weren't sected on the other side, so you can probably see right away why that would start making things unbalance fast.

Third, the first sected ones didn't start showing up until years after Fionn and Dian killed each other and Suaimeas doesn't think it was actually related, but I don't know if I agree with that because there's obviously a lot neither of us knows about this!

And last, what makes someone sected ... um. We don't really know. Just that it happens "at the soul level," which was Ethniu's specialty... and sort of no one else's, ever. So maybe she could fix it? But we've been around and around about what the consequences of trying to wake Ethniu up might be.

I think that's all. Sorry, I know this is awkward. But it's probably really important.
01 February 2016 @ 08:05 pm
[Filter: Crionna, in Danaan]


I'm going to be honest, I'm really sorry if I can't keep my head clear today. Suaimeas and I did something a little stupid and shortsighted last night, and everything that happened was just ...

Ugh. Stop thinking about it. I can feel the migraine coming on now.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's nothing we didn't already know. But combined with everything coming on tomorrow ...

I don't suppose you have anything to say that would make me feel better.
Mood: cranky
01 February 2016 @ 10:02 pm
[Filter: Suaimeas, in Danaan]

... are you ready? Today is the end of it. Of the knowledge I have for you. I saved this for last because... well, because I can tell just from your thoughts that you already know some about it. And I just... wanted you to understand how everything else fits together first.
Mood: determined
01 February 2016 @ 07:06 pm
[Filter: Aileen]

Did you ...

Did you read what Prudence wrote? About this vision that she and Patience had? I know they said that it doesn't have anything to do with Sunday, but ... but it's hard not to think it does, right?

I mean, maybe ... maybe the only way to stop that from happening is to do something right tomorrow. I don't know what. I don't even know what we're supposed to do, but ...

... I'm scared.
Mood: uncomfortable
01 February 2016 @ 09:04 pm

Really. Still nothing?

You really are proving to be a pack of true imbeciles. Would you like to hear about how little Arwen trusted me utterly? How even when the knife broke her skin, she still gazed up at me with eyes that asked "why?" How each of you were so eagerly played, desperate to mistrust each other! Jayne wants to be loved, Arwen wants to be special, Aiden wants to be angry, and not a one of them truly cares about Marias at all.

Puffins? Bald eagles? Or what about whooping cranes? Come now. Play with me.
Mood: annoyed
01 February 2016 @ 06:57 pm
[Filter: Myself, in Kilian]

... They didn't really get it.
Mood: blah
26 January 2016 @ 10:32 pm
[Filter: Marias, in Kilian]

Good morning.

I left some tea by your bed. With your history of hangovers, you're going to need it. Once you're up, write and I'll have some toast sent for you.
Mood: peaceful
26 January 2016 @ 11:59 pm
[Filter: Private]

I think I've figured it out.

It's honestly clever, and I wonder if they thought they'd have me fooled. I'm willing to admit when I've been had. Fayre's plan was never to bring an army to me. Just to make it look like she was so that I would get my soldiers following them. No, ever since she came of age she's figured out that she can build an army anywhere she goes. She waltzes into a new place, and she convinces more people to love her. She never meant to stay in the city at all. She meant to go out to all of my vassals, and pluck them from me one by one while I watch.

Fayre, I'll give you points for thinking you had me beat with you best strategy, but you have to give me some credit. These howling monkeys will seem just as terrible to you as I do because they're just like me. That's why they're loyal to me. I didn't have to kill anyone for this seat. Just your father to put me where I could reach it.

Until you return, however, I'm afraid I have to watch you try.
Mood: aggravated
26 January 2016 @ 08:26 pm
[Filter: Franelcrew]


So I guess it's just me!

Patience and I have visions. It's a lot like Megami mediums. That's how we found out about what was going to happen in Megam before, and that's how we tried to stop it. So we were trying to get visions about what's going to happen on Sunday! We flew over the Citadel, that's how we've done it before, and tried to touch the stones.

Then we just -- had visions. More than before. More detailed than before. But -- nothing about Sunday. Nothing. Instead ...

I guess it's just what you already know. The seals. Giving way and the entire world just -- just ...


We don't know how it works. We don't know if we could have stopped what was happening in Megam. Maybe it was always inevitable. I don't know! Neither of us know!

After that -- it was just the glooms. The Between. I don't think that has to do with anything but there was this gigantic -- massive gloom, the size of a city, of ten cities, and it was hungry and dying, but ... but I don't even know what that was supposed to mean. I don't know why I even had a vision about that.

Maybe Patience is right and you didn't need to know this. I don't know. Maybe it's just going to make it miserable. But I -- don't want to sit here knowing it alone. And you can probably help stop it. And it really doesn't have anything to do with Sunday.
Mood: cranky
26 January 2016 @ 10:31 pm
[Filter: Sawyer]

... they're very sweet boys, aren't they? They really... ah, I can still barely believe --

Er --

Actually, give me a moment. I need to vacate these very delicious pancakes they laboured over, and I might be dying.
Mood: sick
27 January 2016 @ 02:18 am
[Filter: Aelbhe, in Danaan]

Crionna is mad at me because I don't want to tell the humans what we saw.

I just keep thinking.

What's the point? Suaimeas already told us the world would end if things continue as they are. He even told us how it would happen. Seeing it, describing it -- do they really need to know what it looks like? Do they need to know what all their last moments might really look like? Crionna says if I don't tell them it means I don't care, but I don't want to tell them because I ... do care?

They don't want to know all of that. I wish I didn't!

It felt like we made something mad. Like wherever our visions come from, the Between or whatever else, that it was punishing us. It felt like it went on forever... all those horrible things, with no way to shut it out or even slow it down.

And at the end, it was just me. Crionna wasn't even there. Floating in the Between, not even behind the glass. And I could feel them, all around, and then I could see them, and they were swarming and hungry...

Is it really so wrong to not want to tell them about it?
26 January 2016 @ 07:32 pm
[Filter: Suaimeas, in Danaan]

What do we tell them?

I don't know how much they even need to know! Do we tell them about the seals? We can't tell them how many -- the people we saw. The places we saw. Rina's inn ... Riva. Everywhere. Just falling apart. If we tell them all of that it's going to be ...

If we tell them everything, it's just going to make everything worse for them. They'll assume it's because of them. They'll think that whatever happens Sunday is going to be what causes ...

And maybe it is!

That didn't tell us anything! Not about what we wanted to know!

[a long pause]

[Filter: Franelcrew, in Trade]

Hi ...

When everyone's up, I think we need to talk, okay?

[added after] It's not about Moon Festival! We just -- need to talk, that's all!
Mood: distressed
25 January 2016 @ 10:29 pm
[Filter: Gabe, in Kilian]

Just look...

After all of this, we finally did it. I can't believe it. They'll be so happy with us...
Mood: proud
25 January 2016 @ 10:28 pm
[Filter: Tallys, in Kilian]

I should probably be doing better than I am. I can manage to get through the day, and make sure that everyone we've brought is at least not uncomfortable. Not physically uncomfortable. Any time my hands aren't busy though, I find myself ...

It's all too much to even think about. I try to wrap my head around everything I've read, and it leads down so many other paths. I think about everyone in my past, and how we came to be. How we came not to be. How much of my life was spent wrapping myself and others around rules that ...

And I'll get through this. It's all fine. My world isn't falling apart. I just keep getting distracted by every little strand of my life that I see once again, and have to figure out where it fits again.

I want to do something for you. I need to stop thinking about me.
26 January 2016 @ 01:40 am
[Filter: Prudence and People Waiting Up For Us]

[the writing is shaky]


This ...

This wasn't a good idea.

We're coming back.

I don't want to talk about it yet.
Mood: blank
25 January 2016 @ 07:33 pm
[Filter: Verity]


It's the middle of the night! What the hell is it, Verity? You can't just come in here like this, people will I'm trying to sleep!
Mood: groggy
25 January 2016 @ 09:21 pm
[early in the morning]

[Filter: Amalea and Elliot]

I think I might eventually get used to coffee ... though I'm not really sure I should be forming the habit so close to when I have to go back to the manor, ha ha. It's strange to think that this is what they drank, the people who once had the artifact that my family studies.

... Um. I've been trying not to bring it up, but isn't it a lot later than they were supposed to be gone?
Mood: worried
14 January 2016 @ 09:54 pm
[Filter: Amaeyra]

There are things I need to tell you.

Over the past few days, I've learned a lot about the world. I have answers to some of the questions I've lived with for ten years. But yet, that's not really why I feel the need to tell you ...

The Moon Festival is in two days. This year's eclipse might be the last time the spell ... pulls me out of this world, because I can't think of what else we have to do. We've completed the tasks the Clerics set for us, and I don't know to what end this last year has been for. I don't know what it means for us to have passed their test. And, knowing what I know ... I don't know if I will have the chance to write again when the Moon Festival is over. That is something you have to know, but that is not quite what I have to say either.

Amaeyra, I ...

I never will return to Franel. I never will bring Franel back, to a world where its last members died thousands of years ago. Franel can never be my future. I've finally accepted that now, even though it feels like I've cut off a piece of myself to do it. For the first time in my life, Franel has no part in the picture of what my future should be. The future I picture now, the days past this Moon Festival that I have to hold on to, is ... I've told you about the mists in Kilia. How it deters the notion of travelling, how it draws the unsuspecting away from the roads and loses them to the forest by fooling your mind into seeing something you want to follow.

I saw you. It was difficult to look away from a vision with your face, your eyes, your smile. I had to take her in, even knowing that she wasn't really you. You would never ask me to stop. You would never tell me to give up, forget everything and stay with you. I haven't seen you in such a long time. I wish I could just tell you everything with you, the real you, at my side, instead of having to express it all in writing.

Amaeyra, I want ...
Mood: anxious
13 January 2016 @ 11:00 pm
[Filter: Celeste and Sawyer]

This is going to sound weird and you can tell me to go ... buzz off and think about it on my own if you want! But I think that Moon Festival has me feeling anxious. Which I'm sure is true for you, too ...

So, I guess there's nothing like possible impending disaster to make you try and examine yourself.

You know ...

Aileen was really upset about the geas thing. I don't think I've ever even seen her that upset. But she talked to me about it, and ... well, I like to think that I helped her about it. Just talking her through everything, making sure she knows that she's still the same person ...


How do you know when you honestly really like someone? How can you be sure?

Both of you know, and you're both so ... happy.

I don't want to mess this up again because I've convinced myself -- again -- that this is what's right.
Mood: pensive
14 January 2016 @ 12:46 am
[Filter: Jace]


I think you're right, Jace.

I think it is related.

I think it has to be.
Mood: uncomfortable
14 January 2016 @ 04:35 am
[Filter: Canti]

I know you've noticed the sheer quantity of messages being delivered to my desk, and I know you've been eyeing them with rightful trepidation. The truth is, darling, it's becoming difficult to delay returning. I'm delaying them, really, which is delaying the construction of our home! Terrible. Ah, but, before you argue ...

I've spoken to mother and father about this at length. Father thinks it's ill luck for the heir of House Byron to be born anywhere but their true and future home. Blame my time in Kiernan, but I think I'm just superstitious enough to agree! Mother has been more difficult. She worries terribly for you, you know. And for her grandchild, of course. But she finally -- finally -- broke down this morning and said she'd give her blessing to my carting you off north on one condition. That she accompany us for the journey and the remaining length of your pregnancy. Ah, and knowing mother, probably for some time after the birth as well.

I'm inclined to accept the conditions, but I want your opinion, hm? I assume you still want to come back with me...? What do you think?
Mood: amused
14 January 2016 @ 12:11 am
[Filter: Nessa]

I was reassuring Faith not very long ago. As I was doing it I was being very careful to not say that I have a few fears of my own. Mine aren't going to be very helpful for her in the long run. In fact, they're not going to be very helpful to anyone who is experiencing this. Thankfully, I do have someone to vent my own fears to myself.

We're fairly sure of what happened to every passenger but mine. Well, as certain as we can be. Even Lawrence and Kail know the hows, if not the whys. There is an entire plan devoted to figure out why their passengers killed each other. Ethniu couldn't stand it. And before any of that happened, we know Siobhan died for a greater cause, and had to be preserved. Toiraesa ... well, there's something there, but we know the end of that mystery. This means that we know who accounted for everyone. The siblings are in Ethniu's plan, but they also feature in the plans Danu made. Siobhan was fundamental to Ethniu's plan, and Toiraesa might in just the same way. Vaelentine disappeared from history without a trace, and whatever part of the plan he was supposed to contribute to ... well, we can't know it. That's what is worst for me. There's a plan at work. I'd accepted that. I simply thought I might know what it was supposed to be in the end.

I am worried that my not knowing what my part in the plan was supposed to be is the lost piece that will greatly inconvenience us. Who buried it? Danu seemed annoyed at me whenever I talked with her, but I just thought ... I don't know. What if she doesn't know why the Vaelentine story was buried? What if it was just Ethniu. She created mountains, she could easily erase someone's death from the records. What if my passenger's death was the missing piece to solving Ethniu's plan to begin with, and she's just better at covering her tracks than any of her siblings?

... Well. Yes. That's what is it. That's my fears, and really not too bad, but ... worrying me. Sorry if this is a bit much.
13 January 2016 @ 09:18 pm
[Filter: Aiden, in Kilian]

Sometimes I think I'm never going to be free of him.

How long have we been sitting here now, waiting for our next clue? Everyone here has gone over everything they know about his hints. His ridiculous little birds. What in the hell does it mean? Nests? Something with nests. Where's Karyl's nest?

It doesn't matter. That's probably not even what he's getting at. Who even knows what he is getting at? It's all just his game. It's always just his game.

Everyone's fraying. I'm sure you've noticed it. The longer time goes, the less determined people are to stay and see this through. That's part of his game, too, you know. Waiting it out. He's like a bird of prey. More birds! But he can outwait anything. Wait and wait until everyone accepts he can't be defeated, or even found, and retreats back to Baethan. Until I'm the only one left.

That's what's going to happen this time, too. Have you been watching Jayne and Druce? They're losing interest. I don't know what has them distracted. But it's not this. Soon they'll retreat to Baethan for one reason or another. Jayne needs to look to her city. Tallys' family is there. Druce ... I don't know that this was ever his war to fight, as anything more than an ally.

It's happening now.
Mood: drained
14 January 2016 @ 01:51 pm
[Filter: Kail and Celeste]

I can't say that the last few days have been very comforting, despite knowing a lot more than we have ever had about what the last ten years have been for. I keep thinking about all the times we had flashes of memories that weren't ours. The more we learn, the more those memories start making sense, the more ... enormous it feels. All the secrets, all the history, all the chaos that might result if the Clerics are pushed one way or another. The Moon Festival feels like an ending.

Do you remember those messages we used to get? About how we did not exist?
Mood: contemplative
13 January 2016 @ 09:29 pm
[Filter: Sawyer]



At least... there was an answer! I...

Do you want to talk about it? I'd -- like to talk about it, myself. I think. Unless you don't want to, or...

... I love you. Let's talk. You must want to talk.
Mood: worried
13 January 2016 @ 07:28 pm
I'm still not the best with heights. I -- do you get used to it after a while? It must be very easy to lose your nerves about it when you're strapped to the saddle ... And I suppose after enough flights you just forget that the ground is so far below you.

Siuan seems to like me even better now, if that's possible. I think she believes that it's time to go for a flight when I come to groom her now. She prances when she sees me, and she always looks a little disappointed when I leave ...

Lady Rae, I don't suppose we could take another flight soon?
Mood: cheerful
13 January 2016 @ 09:25 pm
[Filter: Scott]

Hey! So basically, been a bit of an ass here not writing to you earlier than this. Mean, it's not like I've met you, but you know, no thank you note? Damn rude of me is what I'd call it. So yeah, this is basically my thank you for saving my ass back there.

Before I go though I've got something to add here. I know you've probably got a lot of dedicated people already, but I want to give you a pitch. Not for me, not ready for that myself. You're good people, but I'm still trying to get my own shit together. Nope, I'm pitching Lydia here. I know you're already using her in bits and pieces, here and there. Thing is, I'm pretty sure she's ready for bigger and better things. Me, I don't have work worth her talent lined up. Barely above the skull bashing level here. She's a fucking artist. And hey, I get that making sure she doesn't get herself dead is an important thing, but I think almost everybody underestimates just how good she is at surviving. Girl can survive just about anything in my opinion. Everything except being left out. She's already got a big brother who's making sure she stays alive, she needs someone to put her talents to use.

Anyway, yeah, that's my page here. Thanks a bunch!
14 January 2016 @ 01:25 am
[Filter: Cassidy and Scott]

Well, it's been nearly a week, now, and there hasn't been a word of suspicion thrown our way. That I've heard, at least. Unless you count Elyiethe. She's very suspicious, but I don't think she's going to push too hard at it because she cares far more about her business than my drama, though she did take me aside the day after and tell me that if she ever catches me using her troupe for any funny business without fully informing her of the situation she will cast me out no matter how good a mage I am.

She's less angry now, though. I think she knows we were doing the right thing, whatever we were doing.

I hope everything is well with you, too?

[Filter: Cassidy]

I haven't heard anything from Floran or Dame Onette, yet, but the journals haven't worked in Floran in over a year, so that's not a surprise. I will tell you as soon as I know something, I promise.
Mood: worried
13 January 2016 @ 06:58 pm
[Filter: Keagan]

How in the hell do you brush it off so easy?

Sawyer, too, but you have an even easier time with it. It don't -- the whole Vaelentin thing don't seem to bug you at all. Bad enough to start it off with Siobhan, this Kilian knight who did all this shit in some war thousands of years ago ... but to top it all off, she was the one holding everyone together? The instant she dies, they start falling to pieces?

I ain't that important.

I was never meant to be that important.

I know she ain't me. But the way people talk about her -- don't it bother you when they talk about Vaelentin? Doesn't it bug you at all?
Mood: uncomfortable
13 January 2016 @ 04:30 am
[Filter: Crionna, in Danaan]

It's not the stones, it's the seals! That's why our premonitions were so strong in Megam, too! And we probably near the other ones, when we got them in other places. Suaimeas said that human mediums see things when they brush against their other selves, just for a second. The world snaps into focus and sometimes they understand or see things they shouldn't because of that connection. But for us, it's the seals that give us that connection to the Between.

I'm going to go tonight. They can't stop us and now I know it won't hurt us, and if there was ever anything we needed to know something about ahead of time it's what's going to happen Sunday.

[Filter: Franelcrew, in Trade]

I asked about what you wanted, Korvin.

Siobhan, Vaelintin and Toiraesa were important figures during the war. Suaimeas said that Siobhan was close with everyone, but especially to Dian, Vaelintin was called [Danaan] "caomhnethe" [Trade] which means, basically, "Protector of Ethniu." They were druids, who were, I guess, preservers of secrets? They gathered and protected knowledge and used it to save people. Not just from outside forces... they saved people from themselves too. Toiraesa wasn't a druid, I think she was a guardswoman. He didn't say that but the things he thought -- they made me think of guardspeople. During the war, she became Fionn's right hand and helped him lead the armies.

They all died during the war. Siobhan was killed by glooms and glares in Atsiria... after Dian and Ethniu had finished the Seal, there were so many glares and glooms, they never would have escaped. But Siobhan faced them all and bought them enough time to get away.

Toiraesa was killed by one of the massive glooms ... it was too big to be cut down, even with their enchanted weapons. It would have gotten Fionn if not for her. He didn't know where it happened, just that she was defending Fionn and she saved him with her sacrifice.

And Vaelintin is strange. Suaimeas says no one knows how he died at all, or even why he was called that ... Protector of Ethniu. Just that he did, and he was.

But here's the really important part. Suaimeas didn't believe me when I said you were here, too. He told me that the protectors have never been here before, it's always just Fionn, Dian and Ethniu! And even though this has happened before, lots of times, you -- they -- never really make it very far ... not nearly as far as this. And maybe the difference is that this time, for some reason, you have your protectors too? But he doesn't understand how, and neither do I. If Ethniu is why the clerics can do this, how are the protectors here too?

He still almost didn't believe me that you were really carrying them, even at the end.
13 January 2016 @ 12:41 pm
[Filter: Private]

I can't excuse myself from hosting visitors forever, can I? What sort of wife to Kiefer would I be if I only felt like throwing parties for family? Not to mention the looks Lady Vivien will continue to give me. It's almost as if she has left this to me as some sort of test.

At least Lady Amaeyra will be sympathetic. It's doesn't seem like her to be too critical, and she did send me her personal condolences when ... light and dark, how can I be in the right mind to play hostess when some days I can't bear to admit that my family are dead?

It'll be all right. The guests of honor will be sympathetic, and there will be the children, and Connie, and Canti if she is feeling well, and anyone else who is curious about why Lady Amaeyra and two of Lord Hasten's daughters have journeyed south. Just be ... myself. My old self.

[Filter: Public]

I'm so pleased you have accepted my goodmother's invitation, Lady Amaeyra, during your important business here. It's been far too long since we've had visitors that have come as far and you and your nieces have~ I'm glad the children all remember each other. It bodes well for future relations between our houses.
Mood: nervous
12 January 2016 @ 08:30 pm
[Filter: Private, in Kilian]

I wonder what they would have thought if they knew that Dian was an impersonator. They both loved him. Father more than Mother. At least Ness was never a fake.


No, just a monster.

Not as much of a monster as Danu, perhaps, but ... to collaborate on a plan like this, they'd all have to be monsters. To go on with life, kidnapping and killing people who happen to look close enough to how they used to ...

Anyone would have to be a monster.

Maybe that's what grief does to you after long enough untreated. Maybe that's the festering wound Nessa was trying to save me from. Maybe I'd have become that monster, if I could believe that ... I could bring them back.

[Filter: Lauren and Nessa, in Trade]

Did you know it's especially difficult to find the core of yourself, under the years of lies, when you're told that something you hadn't even considered about yourself was also a lie?
Mood: blah
13 January 2016 @ 01:07 am
[Filter: Jack]

I just can't stop thinking about her!

Is she there yet? Is she okay? What did Sir Nathan and Dame Daisy say, what did they do? Did the letter get there first?! Why doesn't Dame Onette have a journal! Why aren't the journals working in Floran, it's so unfair!!

Oh! And why hasn't Josiah said anything, yet! Every time I pass him he gives me this look and my stomach flips right over and I just know that conversation is on its way. And I want to run away before it happens, or just have it out right now and get it over with! And then maybe run away after because there is just no way we're going to agree!

And -- Is Cassidy okay? We left her there and I do have to say her disguise is very good, she doesn't look like a past streetwalker at all, but she's all by herself and if Genevieve gets even a little suspicious of her it could be very dangerous. If I write to her do you think she'd tell Scott what a terrible worrier I am? I don't want Scott to think I'm weak.

And speaking of

... Oh, I shouldn't



You don't have to respond to any of that. I just know it'll only stress poor Pearl out and I'm tired of keeping it all in my head!! I feel like life just can't keep going on like normal until we hear about what happened to that poor girl! Did you know Daisy and Nathan? Are they nice? They wouldn't turn her away, would she?

You do have to respond to that!
Mood: nervous
12 January 2016 @ 07:10 pm
[Filter: Crionna, in Danaan]

Sorry. I imagine I probably feel really ... shaky right now. The connection is a little delicate. I can feel it. It's just ...

I just keep thinking about Sunday. What's going to happen. To all of my friends. We don't know what Danu is going to do to them, and I know you probably don't know either. But it's terrifying to consider the possibilities. What she might do. And it's hard to stop thinking about it ...

I'm sorry. I can feel the ache now. I'm trying to hold onto it. I need to be strong. Like you are. Like I used to be, I guess.

I ... Suaimeas is asking Suaimeas about some of our other friends. I could ask you, too, but you'd probably tell me the same thing, so ... I don't know. I just don't know what's left. I don't have a lot of specific questions anymore, just because -- everything you've told me has gone places I couldn't even imagine, anymore. I could never have come up with any questions about any of this stuff.

What now?
Mood: stressed
13 January 2016 @ 12:58 am
[Filter: Suaimeas, in Danaan]

I have another question for you today. -- Ow, sorry. I know I need to let us settle in before I start thinking ...


Do you know who Siobhan, Vaelintin and Toiraesa were?
12 January 2016 @ 06:49 pm
[Filter: Eabh, in Kilian]

I still can't figure out what's going on! I know it has something to do with the Moon Festival. Sawyer and Korvin were talking about it a little last night but they were talking too fast and they stopped when they noticed me like everyone always does.

Do you think

... Um, I wanted to practice making pancakes again but Labhri is in the kitchen. She says there's room for all of us, though. I don't think she'll say anything... maybe. Do you want to?
Mood: moody
09 January 2016 @ 10:39 pm
[Filter: Suaimeas, in Danaan]

I don't want to tell them about the elder stones.

I've started thinking maybe Crionna was right and I just don't understand them since -- since, well, I didn't know any of this! I don't know anything about how Danu gave them to us or how they're a sign of our bond with her or ... or anything like that. But I think she's telling the truth. You can't lie to yourself, right? Or, at least, not without letting yourself know that something is wrong. That you're hiding something. And she'd have no reason to.

I do think they're safe.

Don't ... read this wrong, though. It still makes my skin crawl. Thinking that our stones are holding tiny pieces of glares and glooms, that were -- gigantic, or small and sleek, or had a form better suited to water. And that we're just ... putting on their masks, so to speak. Using them as costumes to change how we manifest.

But I don't think they need to know any of that. I think it'd make them ten thousand times more uncomfortable than it made us ... and I don't think they'd understand.

[Filter: Franelcrew, in Trade]


I don't think I'm as good at organizing my thoughts as Patience is, so ... so I'm just going to start writing, and hope that I've remembered everything.

Back before the war, the entire old empire that Kilia used to be the center of ... it was all built on aurae. Aurae is ... special. It amplifies magic, but it also blocks magic, and even just resonates with magic. You all know how strong and unique aurae is. There's nothing like it anywhere else in the world, not anymore. Then, when the glares and glooms started tearing down the world ...

The only thing they couldn't touch was aurae.

But at the same time, they were drawn to it, because of the resonance. They wanted the aurae, but they couldn't do anything to change it, or destroy it, or even corrupt it. Regular magic they would feed on and turn against you, but aurae was completely impervious to whatever else they could do. But they still wanted it. And one day, Ferdiad realized that he could use it against them. Trap them inside aurae. And then the glares and glooms, even the ones they couldn't kill, would be stuck forever, and wouldn't be reborn at all. Ever again. They would eagerly go after the aurae and then be stuck within it, unable to carve their way out or even do anything to it at all.

There's ... there's one other thing.

"Aesdana" means children of Danu. I know we've talked before about how she took us in. How everyone else thought we were monsters that should just die, but Danu wanted to protect us. And use us against the glares and glooms. And, well, obviously she did, but ...

But she's like our mother. The mother of our entire people. I don't know how much that matters. But I want to let you know that ... that's why all the aesdana can't agree on what they think about you. And why they're so heartbroken about Danu ... changing. About her no longer being the person she was, back when she took us under her protection.

Patience has other things to say. He learned a lot about -- about where the Clerics sent everyone, to make up the world you know now. How those people were shaped by the people after the war, thousands of years ago. And more about how the aesdana ... how we were supposed to keep the two worlds in line. Make sure everything that happened in one also happened in the other.

I don't know all the details. We just went over it with each other. But that's what I learned today.
Mood: drained
09 January 2016 @ 08:21 pm
Are you ready, Ebony? Kira gave me the whole day off, so we can spend as much time flying as you'd like. Siuan's so excited to take you out too. It's a beautiful day for flying too. It couldn't be better!
Mood: excited
09 January 2016 @ 09:20 pm
[Filter: Suaimeas, in Danaan]

... good morning.

Ah. You really are... quite nervous about this Sunday, aren't you? I wish I was able to give you more direct help. I...


Give me a moment. And try to keep your mind peaceful!
Mood: guilty
09 January 2016 @ 09:04 pm
[Filter: Crionna, in Danaan]

It's about time you connected.

Um. I actually got stuff ready today. Sorry about yesterday. Do you want to talk about... well, us? I know you're more interested in the rest. The world, and saving it, but I don't think there's any harm in finding out more about who we are... is there?

It's stuff that they teach us, anyway. Whatever. If you don't want to know, I don't have anything today after all. I don't know why I'm asking permission.
Mood: uncomfortable
10 January 2016 @ 12:14 pm
[Filter: Eliza]

What the fuck is this? A bribe? You think I want this back after you and your friend went through everything in here?
Mood: aggravated
07 January 2016 @ 04:01 am
[Filter: Franelcrew]

The Clerics aren't immortal.

Back then, elemental magic didn't exist. People had light, dark and life magic. Life magic is what was used to make staves and things, but it did a lot more than just healing, and it was a rare talent even for them. Ethniu was just as strong in life magic as she was with everything else, and one of the things life magic does is let you manipulate souls.

Ferdiad helped Ethniu make a staff to harness that magic. They never intended to live forever the way I was thinking. They planned to have Ethniu use her staff to transfer their souls from their old failing bodies to new, young ones. Over and over and over, forever. But it was such a powerful artifact, you had to have really strong abilities with life magic even to use it. Ethniu was the only one who could.

Well, after Ethniu died, Danu was stuck. She doesn't have any life magic ability. Only Ness and Ferdiad did, and they weren't strong enough to use the staff. That's why she had to find another Ethniu.

There was no one with Ethniu's powers, obviously. She was one of a kind. Suiameas says that she might have been the first mutation... not quite human, but not aesdana, either. But Danu didn't need someone like that, just someone who was really, really strong with life magic only.

She found someone, and that's the "replacement" Ethniu. She's the only one who can do anything -- transfer or switch your souls. Danu can't. And she has to use the staff! And she and Danu hate each other.

... They used volunteers at first. But now they're only worried about looking the way they did before, so that your Ethniu, Fionn and Dian don't wake up and see strangers. So they've been looking for people who look as much like their original selves as possible and just ... using them. Their bodies. That's the sort of people they are, now.

That's what we're going to be walking into on Sunday.
06 January 2016 @ 09:48 pm
She's really just such a sweet thing, if she knows you.

I've watched some of the other pegasi, when I've been looking after Siuan, as well. It's amazing, what unique personalities they have. They're as different and diverse as -- as a row of people with hooves and wings! Jenare is spirited and almost dances in her stall when someone comes to see her. Maralenda is a little sourpuss but melts when her rider is close by ... They have memories and personalities and people they love and people they hate.

It's amazing. You never realize how intelligent they are until you actually see them up close and interact with them.
Mood: cheerful
06 January 2016 @ 09:03 pm
[Filter: Jayne, in Kilian]

... um. I have some hard news for you. I don't know if anyone's told you yet because it's so big. Are you in a good place?
Mood: uncomfortable
06 January 2016 @ 08:58 pm
[Filter: Crionna, in Danaan]

That was easier. Um, connecting.
Mood: relieved
07 January 2016 @ 12:55 am
[Filter: Suiameas, in Danaan]

I was thinking it must be hard to tell when days are passing in the Between. There's nothing out there except darkness and monsters. You can't see the sun or the moons at all ...

They're getting closer together. It's only four days until Moon Festival.

We did really well last time. Let's try to do just as well today.
05 January 2016 @ 11:50 pm
[Filter: Kail]

What fun revelations today had. It looks like both of us have personalities sewn together by faeriedust and dreams and nothing is real or matters.

And neither of us are real people.

... Loki means well, but he's wrong. He is. This changes... everything.
Mood: indescribable
05 January 2016 @ 11:55 pm
[Filter: Aelbhe, in Kilian]

Um. Hello! Patience said that I should talk to you about this. Or try to.

I, ah, I know I'm geased. Like all Kilians it seems. Or I might be. I'm not sure. That's actually why I am asking, I'd like to know how to figure out how strong a hold it has on me. Where the bounds are. If ... if I'm really myself all of the time, or if some of me is just ... the geas.
06 January 2016 @ 02:02 am
[Filter: Franelcrew]

Okay. Today we mostly talked about the seals. Um, what they are, how they work, and things like that.

Before Eire was split, there were two "layers" to the world. The thin one on top that humans lived in, and the Beneath below it, a massive place filled with wild magic, where the glares and glooms were. When the glares and glooms started coming up into the physical world, Danu figured out that they were just keep getting more powerful if nothing was done to stop it, because the Beneath had no boundaries and the glares and glooms could just keep growing and growing forever unless there were limits put on it.

Glares and glooms aren't affected by magic because they are magic. Using magic near them could destroy a human's magical abilities. Um, Suaimeas said writings from back then say runes became like knives. They had to use magic mixed with physical things to fight and contain them.

They took half of the physical space, objects -- souls -- and everything in Eire, and pushed it through the Between. This is important to understand. They didn't create anything. They didn't make another world. If you think about it in layers... the physical layer before is just as big, it's just that half is on one side and half is on the other, so each side is thinner. I know it's hard to understand.

Now they had a Between but it still wasn't contained on all sides. They had to break it up into as many pieces as they could and completely contain them. That's why they made the seals. The seals are places where the two sides are pressed together through the Between. Now, instead of being a limitless place where glares and glooms could keep getting more powerful forever, they were trapped in "sections" and limited.

And the Great Seal holds it all together.

It's the Citadel like we thought. But there's a lot we didn't know. The Clerics would have been split like everyone else, and since they were human, they wouldn't have been able to see both sides like aesdana can. So the Great Seal -- the Citadel -- it couldn't be like everything else. There's only one Citadel for both worlds. It's the same. The Clerics are in both worlds at once, and they have spies and aids and all sorts of things to help them keep track of both worlds at the same time, since they can't leave the Citadel or they'd be blind on one side just like anyone else. That's why they never leave except for on their holidays and why so few people are allowed in.

Humans can never do what Crionna and I are doing, what all aesdana can do, connecting with their other halves. If humans go into the Citadel, unless their other half is completely synced with them at the time, the "side" that isn't there ... um, goes dormant? It isn't fatal but they won't respond to anything, and they won't remember what happened when they come back.

Okay, the last really big thing.

Kilians are all geased by Danu too. Most of them at least. When the clerics split the world, Ethniu created Kilia. I mean, she actually created it, with magic. She raised the mountains around the Great Seal by pulling aurae up. She created the mists, and she created the mist monsters too, to keep people away from the Great Seal. Then three thousand of the clerics' most loyal followers were put under a geas to keep all of Kilia's secrets and protect the Great Seal. It's four thousand years old, so it's not as strong as it used to be, and a little confused sometimes, but it's there.

Oh, and I don't know if it matters, but I know what clerics are tied to what seals. Suaimeas said that when a seal breaks, there's a backlash of magic that can take weeks to recover from, but it won't kill the cleric that was tied to it. Dyfeint was Ferdiad, Megam was Athairne. And Ethniu is Korin, Fionn is Kanemoria, Dian is Atsiria, Ness is Hanalan, and Danu is Dentoria.

Suamieas drew some diagrams to help explain the seals if you want to see them.

[there are rough copies of Suimeas's diagrams from here with notes]

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